I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
