I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
