omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what day is it and did you see me today?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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