Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
