Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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