well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
