this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
