My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
