My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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