3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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