thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
