Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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