It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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