If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
