You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
