How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
