i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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