She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
