Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
