don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
