I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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