peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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