I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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