he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
