Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
