I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I would ride that face into the sunset
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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