so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
