wat bout pragnant strippers??
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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