guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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