So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
