would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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