she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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