Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
