i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
