If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
