i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
