i don't like sucking hair
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
