I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
