She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
