2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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