____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
