Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I checked into jail on foursquare
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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