I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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