Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
