Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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