my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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