To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
two words...techno handjob
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
