He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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