Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
