I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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