Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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