there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
