keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
