The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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